Saturday, January 8, 2011

History- why I am doing this.

I am going to start by giving a little bit of history of myself to explain why I am doing this. When I was born my mom was mentally handicapped, and my dad was old. There were four of us (ironically 3 girls and 1 boy), each about a year apart. There was NO control, and at last resort, my dad (when he could actually catch us) would pull out his belt to discipline us. When I was 7 years old we were put into a Foster Home. We returned home for a short time, but were permanently placed when I was 9 years old. I grew up not knowing what would happen from month to month and wondering when my home was going to change. The "parents" I had for a long time had taken all four of us in and had two of their own. We were to say the least a shock to their little family and she (the mom) had an extremely difficult time keeping her emotions in check while trying to teach us. You might say that it appeared we had been raised by a pack of wolves, so she had her work cut out for her. She resorted to anger, frustration, and fear. As a Junior in High School, I was moved once again to a family who was absolutely amazing. They knew how to do it and they knew how to keep their children's self esteem in tact. But I was 16 and of course already knew everything, so what they tried to teach, I fought. Plus, for the first time in my life I had freedom, so I went wild!

When I had a child of my own, I just wanted to be the Coolest mom. I wanted to give my baby everything, and was not going to be like the mom's I had. I thought I had figured out the best of all of them and was going to be the mom that everyone wanted to hang out with. I studied Child Development and received a Bachelors Degree. Yep I thought I knew it all! Then, he got a little older, and I realized that I couldn't control him, but that fear set in of something happening to him, or that he would make the same mistakes I did. And my instincts crept in before I realized it, I was yelling and screaming and as a friend of mine once described it- green spew was coming out of my eyes. I knew this was not the way, and felt horrible every time I lost my temper with that sweet little spirit., but I couldn't let go of what I was taught.

DH's sister-in-law told us about a program called "Love and Logic" a few years ago, but I thought that all we had to do is pray, and the child would fit what I wanted. Then I wouldn't HAVE to yell, scream, or get angry. Oh boy, was I ever wrong!!! And deep down I knew this but not ready to accept it at the time, I avoided it.

Over the last year I have done a LOT of praying as I have struggled with my own issues and have learned that the only one I can control is ME. I have studied the scriptures and have learned about taking responsibility for me, being a good example, and LOVING my children. I have always loved my children of course, but am now ready and able to SHOW them in every way.

My Christmas present this year was a "LifeSavers Kit" of "Love and Logic." I have listened to all of the 8 CD's, and am reading the book. I still have a long way to go, but now I can show my children that I have control of myself. One of the biggest steps they teach about this program is giving control over to the child, and in turn gaining control. It is forgiving myself of the mistakes and moving on. It is allowing myself to be the mom I have always wanted to be, by not worrying so much about what other people might think. Their choices are not an exact reflection of my parenting; because they have their own mind.

So "LL Cool Mom" is my name and cool mom is to remind me or to ask the question "Did I keep my cool?" I created this to write about the good things that I see happen, the struggles I have in applying the program, and then to ask for suggestions at times for what to do in certain situations. Jim Fay (who is now my best friend) says that we can't raise our children alone, but we MUST rely on our friends to help with the tough situations that can and do come up.

Love allows children to grow through their mistakes
Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices.

I will try to update my blog daily with opportunities I have to use the program, or failures I have had. I have found that if it is something I have to be accountable for to others, than I think about it more, and will (hopefully) be more successful. This is RAW, honest, and sometimes I am sure, emotional. So PLEASE bare with me as I share. I want to come out of this with happy, responsible, caring children. I want to LIKE being a mom again, and I want to STOP feeling so defeated.


  1. Awesome, Lilly. I'm excited for you and looking forward to reading your thoughts! I love hearing about the things you've been learning and doing. I really like your meaning behind Cool Mom!

  2. Yay Lilly!! I will look forward to reading all about your experiences and learning from them as well. I think you are an awesome mom and it is really great that you are trying to get better. You are an inspiration to me! Love you!!

  3. are amazing!! Thank you for your honest, personal, REAL LIFE thoughts and feelings. You are one strong cookie...and have been through so much. I'm looking forward to reading this and following along on your changes. Maybe I can apply some of them to my life and my kids!?!?! Since we all know I'm a BIT impatient in that I hope that you'll post GREAT info!!! You are great...and I'm so glad I've been able to get to know you and call you a friend!! Thank you for being great!!! Love you!!!