When I had a child of my own, I just wanted to be the Coolest mom. I wanted to give my baby everything, and was not going to be like the mom's I had. I thought I had figured out the best of all of them and was going to be the mom that everyone wanted to hang out with. I studied Child Development and received a Bachelors Degree. Yep I thought I knew it all! Then, he got a little older, and I realized that I couldn't control him, but that fear set in of something happening to him, or that he would make the same mistakes I did. And my instincts crept in before I realized it, I was yelling and screaming and as a friend of mine once described it- green spew was coming out of my eyes. I knew this was not the way, and felt horrible every time I lost my temper with that sweet little spirit., but I couldn't let go of what I was taught.
DH's sister-in-law told us about a program called "Love and Logic" a few years ago, but I thought that all we had to do is pray, and the child would fit what I wanted. Then I wouldn't HAVE to yell, scream, or get angry. Oh boy, was I ever wrong!!! And deep down I knew this but not ready to accept it at the time, I avoided it.
Over the last year I have done a LOT of praying as I have struggled with my own issues and have learned that the only one I can control is ME. I have studied the scriptures and have learned about taking responsibility for me, being a good example, and LOVING my children. I have always loved my children of course, but am now ready and able to SHOW them in every way.
My Christmas present this year was a "LifeSavers Kit" of "Love and Logic." I have listened to all of the 8 CD's, and am reading the book. I still have a long way to go, but now I can show my children that I have control of myself. One of the biggest steps they teach about this program is giving control over to the child, and in turn gaining control. It is forgiving myself of the mistakes and moving on. It is allowing myself to be the mom I have always wanted to be, by not worrying so much about what other people might think. Their choices are not an exact reflection of my parenting; because they have their own mind.
So "LL Cool Mom" is my name and cool mom is to remind me or to ask the question "Did I keep my cool?" I created this to write about the good things that I see happen, the struggles I have in applying the program, and then to ask for suggestions at times for what to do in certain situations. Jim Fay (who is now my best friend) says that we can't raise our children alone, but we MUST rely on our friends to help with the tough situations that can and do come up.
Love allows children to grow through their mistakes
Logic allows children to live with the consequences of their choices.
I will try to update my blog daily with opportunities I have to use the program, or failures I have had. I have found that if it is something I have to be accountable for to others, than I think about it more, and will (hopefully) be more successful. This is RAW, honest, and sometimes I am sure, emotional. So PLEASE bare with me as I share. I want to come out of this with happy, responsible, caring children. I want to LIKE being a mom again, and I want to STOP feeling so defeated.