Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Worse before its better

So DS1 has had a cold for about a week, it reached it's peak yesterday, but no fever, so I sent him to school. Today, he wanted to stay home, so I said "well I have a lot of cleaning to do around the house to get ready for our visitors tonight; if you stay home, you will need to help." I grew up with parents who would not let me stay home unless I was puking, or had a fever, so I have adopted the same thought. So, since he was not really sick enough to stay home by my book I gave him a choice. We are all about giving choices at our house now!

Well. here it comes the "it's going to get worse before it gets better." part. I always do smoothies in the morning, and the kids all get a great big one for breakfast. Since DS1 is fighting a cold we focus on fruit and juice and no dairy or wheat (which causes more phlegm). So I packed it full of stuff today (more than usual, and much more than MOST people get in a day!). I bustled around the house cleaning and straightening things, because I also had to go to the store, so I wanted to get it all done before DS3 woke from his morning nap. I asked DS1 to get the Bathroom cleaned up (this is his ONE chore). He refused, because it is not Saturday. I told him this was a special circumstance and needed his help. nothing. Spent an hour cleaning his room (which was supposedly cleaned last night). So I said "you'll need to have the bathroom done before you next eat."
DS1 said "I'm not doing the bathroom!"
me "Well then I guess it's going to be a long day."
Him " I want to eat!!! I never get a breakfast. You never let me have a good meal!"
me "I'm sorry you feel that way, you are welcome to eat when the bathroom is cleaned."
again he told me he wasn't going to clean th bathroom. All the while I am trying to tidy up the house, and the other two kids are dressed and ready to go to the store.
I finished what I had needed to get done, before going to the store, but DS1 was still sleeping so I got some grapes out and washed them and had the kids come in my room to watch a movie. This was to get away from DS1 who at this point is now tipping over my chairs, screaming that I don't care about him (because he is obviously starving), and throwing all of the cushions off the couch. Trying desperately to get a reaction out of me and failing, so he is getting more and more violent.

I took the kids in the room with the grapes and some crackers. we ate and watched a movie. I ignored DS1. Grandma called and said she was coming over, so I told her what was going on. She said she would take DS2 and DD to her house. YEAH!!!! That way I don't have to try to shield them from his rage.

Grandma came, so we went out to the living room to find that DS1 had completely torn it up- couch was moved, my big chair tipped over, lazy boy tipped. yeah, stuff everywhere!!! DS2 said "that's not good!" and I said "oh too bad, looks like there's going to have to be a consequence- later." and DD said "oh, shoop!" I think she thinks she's TLC (if anyone remembers them and their Shoop song!). Ha ha little humor there- just some relief. I said good bye to them and made sure to mention that they were going to get ice cream at grandma's house.

Funny thing happened when Grandma left, DS1 said "sorry mom, I'll clean up the mess."
I said "I know." And went back to do what I was doing. He then carried on about being hungry and did some more pouting, but he did the bathroom and cleaned up the living room. It's 1pm and he is finally eating!

I know now why Jim Fay says Kids are "drunk" on emotions. Have you ever tried to reason with a drunk? Have you ever talked to one? It is ridiculous! One minute they can be spouting off all sorts of profanity and nonsense, and the next they are all "I love you, you are so great!" as if the other never happened. THAT was DS1 today. For the last half hour (yes it all only took a half hour to do!!) while he was doing his work, he was whistling, and checking in, telling me all about "pirates of the Caribbean X-box game." What the crap?!! I will NEVER understand this boy!

So on to the consequence. WHAT do I do? I can't just let it go, but I have no idea what a good "natural" consequence would be. Any suggestions would be great! I am proud of myself however for not giving in to his tantrum and reacting with more anger. Believe me, I wanted to. I am so happy that i have found something that works, even though I am SOOOOO not perfect at it, there is light at the end!


  1. Oh wow Lilly...I'm sorry it was so bad :( I wish I could've done something to help or something?!?! You did WAY better then I would've...and handled things better then a lot of moms would've I think!! Obviously he was testing his boundaries and limits and found
    out it got him NO WHERE and now he'll have a consequence too. Yikes...that doesn't sound fun to me. I don't have any spectacular ideas for a punishment...and I see why you don't either. I agree you can't just let it go...but what will be enough to make him realize how BAD his choices were?!?! I'll have to think on that!! I admire you lady!! Love you

  2. good luck Lilly! I don't know what to do either. Have you asked him what he thinks his punishment should be. We do that with Kealan and sometimes he comes up with good things. We just tell him it has to be reasonable or else we choose. I would make it something so that you don't have to watch him and keep him doing it like another chore. Make him loose an activity that he really wants to do like not come upstairs when your visitors are there! Good luck that is really hard.