Because, as I have talked about a few times in previous posts, he has been taught to listen to outside voices. He has been taught by me and my partner in parenting (dad) that he needs to do it "my way, or I'm gonna be mad!" Wow!!! I came home and was a little bit devastated that I have done this to him. I was also a bit relieved that I have discovered this now, so I can work on fixing it, and helping him listen to his own inner voice. I told DH "I don't care what we have to do, it is important for us to do this at all cost, or it will cost our kids."
The question now is, how do I keep that in the forefront of my brain, as I teach them proper behavior? Because I am human, and a product of how I was raised, I can't just say it, and change like that. I have to continually work at it and have reminders. I have to listen to the CD's I have, and PRAY, and be diligent in my efforts. I HAVE to get out of this funk I have been in and allow my kids to take the priority.
I know I can't change over night, in fact that would be too easy. I will take this time to change, and enjoy the fact that I can change. I ask whoever actually reads this to pray for me and my husband as we struggle to make this change for the better, that we will be patient with ourselves, and with each other.