Tuesday, March 15, 2011

This is Detrimental for my children!

Well, today I learned a HUGE lesson in just how detrimental it is that I learn how to implement this love and logic for the sake of my sweet, sweet children. We were at the park with a group of friends, and DS2 was pushing and hitting a friend. I went to look to see what was happening, and as I approached I heard another friend egging him on saying "hit him again!" Mind you this is a 3 year old, so it is not like a life and death thing, and it is not a HUGE deal. Except that it kind of is. Why is my son so willing to do what someone else tells him to do?

Because, as I have talked about a few times in previous posts, he has been taught to listen to outside voices. He has been taught by me and my partner in parenting (dad) that he needs to do it "my way, or I'm gonna be mad!" Wow!!! I came home and was a little bit devastated that I have done this to him. I was also a bit relieved that I have discovered this now, so I can work on fixing it, and helping him listen to his own inner voice. I told DH "I don't care what we have to do, it is important for us to do this at all cost, or it will cost our kids."

The question now is, how do I keep that in the forefront of my brain, as I teach them proper behavior? Because I am human, and a product of how I was raised, I can't just say it, and change like that. I have to continually work at it and have reminders. I have to listen to the CD's I have, and PRAY, and be diligent in my efforts. I HAVE to get out of this funk I have been in and allow my kids to take the priority.

I know I can't change over night, in fact that would be too easy. I will take this time to change, and enjoy the fact that I can change. I ask whoever actually reads this to pray for me and my husband as we struggle to make this change for the better, that we will be patient with ourselves, and with each other.


  1. I know...just don't hang out with the bratty kid who's in the background yelling..."hit him again...keep him away from us"...cuz I know that was MY kid saying it. UGH...I need help as well...we just had a GOOD lesson last night for FHE that Ryan came up with...and I thought it actually HIT something in Klous' head...apparently not with how he was acting again today :( Ugh...oh well...like you said...it won't happen overnight...but we just need to keep trying. I'll be thinking/praying for you guys and myself so that we can get beyond the point of all the boys FIGHTING ALL THE TIME...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :)

  2. So was my kid the one getting hit? Well, they all pick on each other, so Lilly, please share what works for you so that I can use it too. The things that you are learning are invaluable and I am gleaning a lot of your knowledge!! We are all great mothers, and its important to remember that we are doing great things even though there are moments that suck!! Love you both, and your kiddos!

  3. My dear, you are a loving, dedicated mother who is doing the best you can. You are open-minded and willing to look at your approach to things and see if there is a better way to do something. You continue to grow and your children benefit from this. I don't think you negatively influenced your son into doing what someone was telling him to do - there is (in my opinion) some things children need to do simply because they are told to - (this is coming from my short experience as a mom to an almost 3 year old and from my almost 10 years of experience as a teacher) and most of these things have to do with a child's safety and well being. It is very likely that most of the things you tell your son to do are for his safety or well being. Sure, when appropriate, offering choices that have both positive and negative consequences is the best way to guide kids but not always possible. Don't know if you know this but, I also raised my VERY troubled teen brother for two years (over here in India! because my mom was going to send him to military school. It was that bad). I took him in when he was 16 and I was 27. Believe me, there was a HUGE learning curve for me on that one and I think once my daughter is a teen I will be better prepared. My brother had NO boundaries, limits, expectations until he came to be with me. I set very clear rules and some of them were "because it's my house" sort of rules. He did rebel to somethings, he did push the limits, he did break the rules (at one point to an extreme) but when he did these things there were consequences - sometimes VERY big consequences. Now, 4 years later as a college Jr. he is making good choices on his own and is in charge of his life but I feel that my expectations and examples helped him learn how to do this. He has even told me that while he really "hated" me at the time, looking back, he realizes that I did what was best for him and he benefited from it. He knows now that people will always try to get him to do things both positive and negative and there will be consequences both positive and negative. Every mom (and in my case, also a teacher) goes through slumps of thinking they are not as good as they want to be. Hang in there, your devotion to your family will get you through it all.

    ~ Erica ~